My future musical work must remain secret, hidden.

I must not imagine that "others" will not find my music, my images, my texts pitiful.

This WILL be the case. The total indifference with which I have been treated so far is rather fortunate; I have not yet been given the opportunity to be humiliated, mocked, despised.

I must not repeat the mistake I made when I left the small, regressive and finally musically tolerant world of Black Metal in my teens to venture into the goth/indus world.

I'm not "on the level" of the others, I don't play in the same league, I'm an amateur, a tinkerer, a wanker, whatever you want in this genre; I must not risk trying to play in the big league.

I have never, in any case, had the DESIRE to play in their court, and therefore to "upgrade". Buying more and more expensive and performing equipment, sounding more and more professional, being in competition with the others in terms of performance, innovation, etc. I don't care about all that.

I don't care about all that. I've always been a dreamer above all. I might as well have never composed anything but just written fictional biographies of music bands. Or making fake album covers. Or reviews of imaginary records. That's where I am. In the reverie. Just like I only liked the BM and dark folk scene when I knew almost nothing about it and it was a medium for my daydreaming.

The best I can hope for is that people as lonely and lost as I am will come across my productions by chance and that they will find an echo in them. The circles, the scenes, I must flee from them.